Complementary and Synergistic

A few days ago I was at a leadership meeting for the Christian group of which I'm a member. We were talking about prayer and our experiences with it from when we were younger, and I remember my friend talking about how prayer had become a crucial part of his relationship with his girlfriend. He spoke about how they would often pray for each other, and how much closer they had grown together as a result of it. I have to confess I was really touched by his story.

The thought of two Christians praying for each other, especially if they're dating, I would hope should seem like a normal and natural thing. Unfortunately, in the post-modern world we live in, stories, stereotypes, and even experience suggest otherwise. Yet when I take a moment and think about it, this really must be what dating is all about.

So...I'm probably not going to make a whole lot of sense here -- at best, I'll just sound radically conservative and probably offend a bunch of feminists, assuming they ever stumble their way to this page. I remain unapologetic.

Anyhow, the basis for my thinking is derived from claims made in numerous books by John Eldredge. He argues that men need three things to truly be alive: an adventure to live, a battle to fight, and a beauty to fight for, whereas women require three very different things: an adventure to share, a beauty to unveil, and to be worth fighting for. Both man and woman are formed in the image of God, and our differences reflect different parts of one God. Men tend towards doing things together, women tend toward talking with each other. I don't mean to be sexist, and I don't mean to say this is absolutely true for everyone. I certainly don't mean to judge, but as a general statement I feel its a relatively accurate one. The thing is, without the other half we wouldn't have the complete picture of God.

Men generally accept different roles for their lives. We tend to be more physical, less emotional, and bonding comes through overcoming adversity and challenges in a literal sense. Our bodies are built with broader shoulders and stouter limbs for this purpose. We are designed to be physically stronger. Women seem to function differently. They appear to be based on relationships and bond through conversation and overcoming adversity and challenges in an emotional sense. Their bodies are strong -- but designed for nurturing. The simple fact is that we are different, but we both reflect the image of God.

When one studies the creation story, they see that God created man, but knew that "it was not good for man to be alone." So, God created woman. And here's where the wheels come off. Woman was intended as more than just a "companion" or "help-meet" (which makes no sense, but is actually used in some translations of the Bible). Those words do not impart the necessity or importance of Eve. I believe the word is "ezer kenedego," (or something close to it) which would be more accurately translated as "essential partner or life-saver." Suggestive in this should be that man and woman were designed to work together and support each other. They're synergistic. How perfect and how incredibly beautiful.

This brings us back to the story my friend was sharing. I don't think he could have been any more on target. To grow in a relationship together, moving towards God and in complete harmony with each other. In my mind, it works by the man donating the strength and the woman donating her compassion. I know, this sounds sexist, but let me again emphasize that is not my intent.

The only problem here, is what happens when man and woman are not together? To whom does man donate his strength? To what end does a woman show her compassion? The reason I ask, is because it seems to be the season that I am currently in. I feel as though there are many good things to which I can devote myself and my strength, but really, what good are they? Moreover, where is my support coming from? Who will show me compassion and caring? While guys are decent to each other and will listen and try to help their freinds, this really isn't the area where we excel.

So, a bit of honesty here -- and hopefully I won't sound too terribly... what? Soft? Weak? Feminine? I look at my life, and realize that regardless of what I do, nothing matters if there is nobody special to share it with. I can accomplish my wildest dreams, become famous, make a fortune, and none of it matters at all. Though it could be used to buy many things, all they would be are distractions from the emptiness I would feel all the more clearly. It is not good for man to be alone, and in my heart, I know it is not good for me to be alone. And, though I am thankful that I know to be patient and persistent, that doesn't help things make sense in the present when I feel all I am doing is working hard at things that don't really matter.