He who would be first...

I've just been "at work" for the past 15 hours. A day full of individual discipleship meetings, followed by a student leadership meeting, followed by leading a Bible study. To put it simply, the day was "full." Its amazing though how God shows up and provides the strength, especially when I don't know if I have any strength left.

Tonight we had the most men at the study ever. It was wonderful. There were the three regulars: N, C, and M -- all relatively seasoned believers. There was Ro, a Chineese international student at UNC for one semester as part of his curriculum and a relatively new Christian. There were also Ra, a Computer Programming graduate student from India and, as best as I know not a Christian, and J, a Christian who has recently rededicated his life to Christ and is working hard to give relevance to his faith.

Its always hard to know how any particular study will go. Depending on the time of the semester and amount of stress in any student's life, a study can be engaging or dead, almost with as random probability as flipping a coin. But even then, one never knows what the Spirit is doing in the silence.

Tonight felt quiet often. I'm working to be comfortable with that. As a whole, our study focuses on what it means to pursue Godly Masculinity. We started with a simple debunking of the theory that society imposes gender upon a person and just started to pull on the thread and follow where it led. Since then, we've had studies on rejecting passivity, confrontation, responsibility, and tonight: leadership.

Leadership is something of a nebulous topic. Everyone has a different definition it would seem, and ultimately, they often try to deduce it to a series of characteristics or several bullet points. Eldredge provided a nice picture in his book "Fathered by God," but only by discussing the leader, rather than leadership in general. The bottom line is that a true leader is one who takes the position reluctantly, and only in the desire to benefit those under him. A Godly leader's heart is humbly submitted to God and His direction. Ultimately, the slightly paradoxical concept of "servant leadership" provided in Matthew 20 was discussed and the distinction between "servant leadership" and merely "servanthood" was defined as the fulfillment of a greater purpose and intentions of improving those being served. At least, that was the 20,000 ft flyby.

I still don't know how it all went -- its impossible to know, in all honesty. The three veterans had solid points and were really helpful and patient with the younger Christians. Its incredible to witness their development in maturity. J and Ra had some really good points too -- impressively good points, actually. Ra just finished reading through John and pointed out how the central thesis of Christ's direction to us was to love, and how taking that as the heart of His message, servant leadership flows quite naturally.

Still, I didn't start feeling better about it until after riding home with Ro and my girlfriend. I asked Ro what he thought about the study, and he started talking about how he didn't think many of the big business people were good leaders, as they were inconsiderate of those under them and didn't serve anyone but themselves. I didn't think much of it until after Ro got out. As we were driving back to my car, my girlfriend pointed out something that I hadn't noticed: Ro was from China, where the culturally-imposed drive to succeed is even greater than here in the US, and his thoughts were that even those business people who were most successful were utter failures when it came to leadership.

Maybe its getting through after all.

Already?!

I saw them today. They were not welcome... I was completely unprepared. Christmas decorations. In the Kroger, then up at the shopping center by the Office Max. I'm kind of numb...

IT'S STILL OCTOBER!!!

Whatever. The jury is still out as to whether or not I appreciate living in a pseudo-capitalistic society -- Three months of Christmas seems like a bit much. That's a full quarter of the year -- longer than winter in North Carolina and most other states south of the Mason-Dixon.

At the very least, couldn't we have waited until after Halloween? I'm still ill from the candy corn and I don't think I'm ready to tackle the Christmas cookies and Eggnog...

No point in trying to be serious tonight. Better luck next time.

Might as well...

I think this happens every several months or so... Blogging just doesn't seem to be a high priority for me. Yet as my girlfriend so aptly pointed out tonight, when one works in a ministry, so much of what happens is very personal and can't be fit in a 2-page monthly newsletter. She makes a good point. I can't expect anyone to know what is really going on if I'm not better at making it known.

So I guess today is as good a day as any to start typing again.

But really, what was today? I think I spent the bulk of my morning studying scripture and writing a 2-page monthly newsletter, of all things. They're a bit more challenging than they look, and frankly, I can't help shake the feeling that nobody really reads them... which makes it all the more difficult to put anything of substance in the articles. Nobody's going to read it. Why should I care about the quality? (Unfortunately, my OCD doesn't react well to this... or to bullets... nevermind.)

I suppose with the newsletters I'm trying to get across 4 points:
1. Keep my support team informed what specifically we're doing
2. Let them know that I really appreciate their support and prayers
3. Remind them that I'm really depending on them, which is another way of saying, remind them to send their monthly contribution in (assuming they're contributing monthly)
4. Demonstrate that this is a legitimate ministry and that we are making a difference on campus.

I also appreciate it because it is a monthly guarantee that I'll be praying for each family at least once. Naturally, if they send me a prayer request, I do a good job at keeping it in my prayers... but eventually I get overwhelmed or forgetful. As I mail out my newsletters I get to pray for each family specifically and by name... and I like that. So as a whole, I'd say it's a frustrating plus.

Beyond that, I took a break at noon to go for a run. A nice, easy 5 miles, which seemed to do a lot in lifting my spirits (I've been really frustrated and irritable of recent... not such a great pair of emotions to stew in when trying to minister to others).

This evening was our large group worship gathering. I'm really excited about how it went. Our campus pastor, Gina, gave a response to a recent debate held on campus regarding how could God exist if there is suffering in the world. Admittedly, its a deep and weighty topic devoid of any simple answer. Still, she handled it quite admirably and I was thrilled with how it came out. It may have been her best teaching thus far this semester.

Two of our students led in musical worship to close out the gathering. They did a phenomenal job with it -- its really been amazing to watch them grow in comfort up front over these past several semesters. While one is a music major, it seems there is always a discomfort and anxiety about leading in worship. I remember trying to deal with it myself... I wanted it to be authentic and I was routinely concerned that I would be viewed as prideful or arrogant. They both seem to really be coming into their own up front, and the worship was beautifully simple and powerful. I truly enjoyed it.

So, that brings me close enough to where I am in the immediate sense. I'm about 30 seconds from bed, and looking forward to it.

Maybe we can talk again tomorrow.

The Day Off

Its my day off, and its beautiful outside. This has been the most amazing week of weather that I can recall in the 2 years I've lived in North Carolina. It makes me love it here... and miss home desperately.

The ministry is off like gangbusters. Its actually kind of taken me aback, how well things are going. Last night was my first "Life group" (Men's Bible Study), and I'm really excited about how it went. Most of my experience with men's Bible studies have been adverse, involving a distinct lack of brotherhood, openness, and sincerity. I'm really hopeful that trend can be avoided with this group of men, and last night was really encouraging for me in their vulnerability and honesty. I look forward to seeing them again next week.

The rest of the week has been hectic and insanely busy. I never really appreciated the amount of time ministry would require, and I just assumed the administrative portion of it would be less substantive than it really is. (Aside: substantive... is that a word? Did I use it correctly in this sentence? I kind of like it...) I'll spare the details. I'll even spare the generalities. Its just been busy, and I'm thrilled that I can take some time for myself today.

Its amazing how versatile and flexible this is requiring me to be. I think it was summed up well when I got home one evening and examined the contents of my pocket: $0.53, a flash-drive, two carriage bolts, a pen, a 3/8" wrench, and a roll of stamps. It reminds me of MacGyver...

Okay... this one's a little better...
http://www.videosift.com/video/Dear-MacGyver-please-save-my-dog

Anyhow, I'm rambling and the weather is beautiful.

I think its time for a run.

200+ (and counting!)

The funny thing about my body is that it hates being up late at night. If I stay up late -- midnight or later, usually -- I will wake up with a hangover, regardless of whether I've had anything to drink. Such is the case today, (no alcohol, raging headache) but at least this time it's completely worthwhile.

Last night was the University of North Carolina "Fall Fest." Its intended for all of the freshmen to have the opportunity to investigate all of the student organizations that are available on campus, and runs from 9 pm - 2 am. (I was there the whole time...) Literally thousands of students swarm over South Road on campus and provide the perfect opportunity to give them information on Chi Alpha Christian Fellowship.

Our general practice is to simply start up conversations with students as they walk by (while many did come directly to our table -- always encouraging). We'll give them a flier which explains some of the interesting points of Chi Alpha and then ask them if they want us to drop off a "goodie bag" the following day. Students love free stuff, and most are quite willing. So, we get their contact info and their dorm number and today we follow up.

We have over 200 students to follow up with. This promises to make for a long day -- but what an outstanding problem to have.

Cold down there, eh?

I saw a cartoon once where there were two little devils sitting around in hell. They've got their pitchforks, and they're covered in snow, clearly freezing cold and shivering. Evidently, it has frozen over. One of the devils is looking at the other and the caption reads, "I dunno... maybe the Vikings won the Super Bowl?"

The Vikings are the only team to have lost four Super Bowls -- which comprises all of their Super Bowl appearances. An amazing feat, capable only of a team from Minnesota.

The reason I bring any of this up, is because I believe this past Friday the little devils are thoroughly confused, hell having frozen over, but it not being football season.

Why, you may ask?



My dad just learned how to text.

Deeper Exhaustion

I think this may be the most exhausting turn my life has taken.

For the past three months I've been serving with Chi Alpha Christian Fellowship as a campus missionary at the University of North Carolina. Prior to this, I was a chemistry graduate student for two years, and woven through it all is a six-year commitment to the Marine Corps. But this present season may prove to be the most exhausting thus far.

Though physically exhausting to an extent, it doesn't really compare to the Marines in that respect. Thankfully, I am no longer expected do 20+ mile forced-marches or go upwards of 3 days without significant food or sleep.

Though mentally exhausting, I don't have the same sensation of when I was in graduate school -- having just studied for days to take a five-hour long final, desiring nothing more than to curl into the fetal position and let my brains drip out through my ear.

I think it is the sudden onslaught of emotion which can only be caused from getting to know many people and realizing just how painfully broken this world is. How much pain and hurt exists. How selfish I/we all truly can be. Experiencing the collateral damage of people who claim the title of "Christian" without actually working to surrender all to Christ. Emotionally investing in those who may ultimately turn and betray; baring one's heart to be stabbed. Worse -- aware that there were those who came before that did the same for me.

"I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds." -- John 12:24

Overcoming Fear -- Day 9 (Deuteronomy 20:8)

Then the officers shall add, "Is any man afraid or fainthearted? Let him go home so that his brothers will not become disheartened too." -- Deut. 20:8

This entire chapter is an instruction manual for "when you go forth to battle gainst your enemies." (v.1) It is important to see that it says "when" and not "if." It is clear that we will all have battles to fight, but that the Lord goes with us into them all. Verses 3 and 4 reaffirm that we are not to fear (as does all of the previously discussed passages in Days 1 - 8), for the Lord our God goes with us to save us.

Verses 5 - 8 give reasons men should turn back. This is not wise from a military standpoint (possibly with verse 8 being an exception), but it weaves in with the confident knowledge that the Lord is fighting for us, so while He honors our labor (2 Chron 15:7), He is still the one who creates the final outcome. We see God refines Gideon's army in a similar fashion. This severe mismatch of forces also ensures that the credit and glory go to God. Whe circumstances are so thoroughly out of control, we cannot think to boast in what is so clearly divine deliverance.

Perhaps the most important thing to see in verse 8 is that fear is contageous. Similar to one's faith being used to protect one another (e.g. the shield of faith in Ephesians 6, also see examples in Haggai 2:4-5, 2 Chron 32: 7-8, and Joshua 1:5 - 9), we see fear in one person can cause fear in another. Conversely though, if one's fearfulness can create fearfulness, courage should create courage, hope create hope, and faith create faith.

In the words of Don Miller, "Sometimes one has to see someone love something in order to know how to love it."

That may be the point, exactly.

Courage - Day 8 (Matthew 14:22-27)

"Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone, but the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it.

During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. 'It's a ghost,' they said, and cried out in fear.

But Jesus immediately said to them: 'Take courage! I am. Don't be afraid.'" -- Matthew 14:22-27

This passage wraps up the week nicely, with the final verse really driving at some key points. The first thing that really seems to jump out is the symbolism in the story at large. When Jesus comes to His disciples, they are struggling against things totally out of their control -- in this case, it is nature. Jesus came out to them where they were and in the midst of what they were doing. He didn't command them to come to Him once they had things under control, He came to them where they were -- in the middle of a storm.

Despite having spent time with Jesus, they didn't see Him for who He truly was. Both in general, as the Son of God, and specifically in this story, as they thought He was a ghost and they were afraid. They couldn't see Him for who He was, for though He was there to save them, what He was doing was also very unexpected.

The next thing that I appreciate is that Jesus spoke to them "immediately." He didn't wait to keep them frantic, but He spoke to them immediately.

While we have hammered away at "take courage," we must stop to ask ourselves, "what is courage?" The best definition I've heard is that courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the strength and ability to do something in spite of that fear.

"I am" is a powerful reminder that Jesus is God in the flesh. Emmanual. God with us. He is eternal and almighty and He is with us today and always. As mentioned yesterday, the general of angel armies stands readty to war on our behalf.

Finally, "Don't be afraid" merits some discussion. It is not a polite suggestion, but rather a command. We know worry is a sin and that God has not given us a spirit of fear (see 2 Tim 1:7). The fact that it is given by Jesus as a command shows us that (1) it is possible, and (2) it is our choice.

If we accept that God is indeed with us and for us, really, what is there to be afraid of?

Courage - Day 7 (Haggai 2:4-5)

"But now be strong, O Zerubbabel,' declares the LORD. 'Be strong, O Joshua son of Jehozadak, the high priest. Be strong, all you people of the land,' declares the LORD, 'and work. For I am with you,' declares the LORD Almighty. This is what I covenanted with you when you came out of Egypt. And my Spirit remains among you. Do not fear." -- Haggai 2:4-5

The word used for "be strong" is "Châzaq," again, as discussed in Day 6. Essentially, be strong, take courage, and hold fast. This is very consistent with what has been studied this entire week and we see that God clearly expects us to actually do this! We must be persistent and steadfast to do the things to which God has called us.

He then goes on to command the Israelites to work, consistent with 2 Chron 15:7, where it says our labors are rewarded. So far, nothing terribly new.

"For I am with you, says the Lord of Hosts." (Amplified)

This verse is what I see as being important. I am, signifying the infinite nature and absolute sovreignty of God. Beginning and end, alpha & omega. He is the creator of the universe. I am...with you! Let this sink in.

The weighty and awesome power of our almighty God is with us! He goes on to raise the stakes when He is referred to as the "Lord of Hosts." What one must understand is that this particular phrase is lost on us today. The "host," or Tsâvâ' is a mass of persons or things intended for a military or warfighting purpose. It is applied here in a way that alludes to the angels and celestial bodies of the heavans, formed and equipped to do battle at God's command. It also implies that God (the one who is with us, remember?), is the mightiest of all of the heavanly warriors, to be in command of the host. So essentially, what this verse really is saying: "I, creator of all things, almighty & powerful God, infinite in strength, greatest of warriors, vanquisher of every foe and commanding general of all the angelic armies of heaven, am here to fight for you."

Courage - Day 6 (Psalm 27:14)

"Wait and hope for and expect the Lord; be brave and of good courage and let your heart be stout and enduring. Yes, wait for and hope for and expect the Lord."

Right from the start, this verse says to "wait." We function as instruments of God's will, and by His power do all things happen. This means often they do not happen on our timeline and schedules. Patience is difficult, but necessary. The word used for "wait" is "Qâwâh," which means confident, patient, expectant, hopeful waiting.

Expectant, hopeful waiting is difficult -- it grows patience and is not comfortable. However, the scripture (particularly the Psalms, e.g. 27:1-3; 34; 54; 91; etc.) is full of examples and testimonies of God's faithfulness and how He delivers us. So, as we grow to trust in Him, we should learn to expectantly wait for Him as well. It seems like this would be part of "walking by faith," which was intended by Paul to be so much more than a cliché lyric from a popular worship song. God is real. His word is true. We must believe it and apply it in our lives.

A very constant and reoccuring theme is to be brave and of good courage. The Hebrew word "Châzaq" means to hold fast; conquer, seize, and retain; bind securely; strengthen; take courage. We can do this because we know that God is with us and that He delivers us. So we are to strengthen our hearts and expectantly wait for God. We hold fast to the truth that He will move in our circumstances.

An interesting extension from this verse comes throug examining different translations. In the Amplified it says "let your heart be stout..." which implies several things. First, to "let" something happen suggests we need to give permission. Second, it shows we have some level of control over our heart and its attitude. In comparison, the King James Version provides a little more insight with "He shall strengthen thine heart..." This is a subtle but crucial difference, as it means God is the one strengthening our heart. We must allow God to move in our hearts to strengthen them, and this scripture reveals this is done through patient and expectant waiting upon Him.

Courage - Day 5 (Ezra 10:4)

Ezra 10:4 -- "Arize, for it is your duty and we are with you. Be strong and brave and do it!"

The themes that are revealed in this scripture are very similar to those discussed previously. However, rather than an implication (as in 1 Chron. 28:10), the above verse explicitly states that it is Ezra's duty to perform the appointed task (in this case, removal of the heathen women from Israel). This is more similar to what we saw in Joshua 1:5-9, where God explicitly chooses Joshua to succeed Moses and lead the Israelites.

An interesting point is that it isn't God speaking directly in the scripture above. It is Shecaniah, son of Jehiel addressing Ezra, who was prostrate in mourning and repentence. It reminds me that often God speaks through other people, and we do well to take the advice of our peers and superiors into consideration. Here it was a sort of comissioning. Much like the scene in Lord of the Rings where Boromir tells Aragorn that he would have followed him to the end (of course, then he dies, so its not really THAT similar...), Aragorn needed to hear that to assume the role that he had been intended to fulfill. In a similar way, Ezra was given authority to lead by his peers, and we see that this was in line with God's will, as the end result was the (nearly) complete rejection of heathen wives and the obedience to God's command.

The final key point is the phrase "be strong and brave." This would be the word "Châzaq," which means to be bound fast; strengthened; to be strong and courageous; to conquer, sieze, retain, and hold fast. (This would be an antonym to the word "passive," for all of you Christain men who feel humility and passivity go hand in hand. -- You're wrong, by the way... Conquering, siezing, retaining, and holding fast have nothing passive about them! Sorry -- I digress...) It is a word used often in the description of battle scenes, and in the previous verses discused, the only other place it is directly stated is in Joshua 1:5. Again we see the command to "be strong and brave" is given at the beginning of a great challenge where the victory would only come following some form of battle.

Courage - Day 4 (2 Chronicles 32:7-8)

2 Chronicles 32:7-8
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or discouraged because of the king of Assyria and the vast army with him, for there is a greater power with us than with him. With him is only the arm of flesh, but with us is the LORD our God to help us and to fight our battles." And the people gained confidence from what Hezekiah the king of Judah said."

The historical context of this verse reveals the extreme to which God really expects us to be strong and courageous. There is an Assyrian horde marching on Jerusalem. In verse 5, it says "Hezekiah took courage," and then in 7-8 he "spoke encouraginly" to Israel, telling them to "be strong and courageous."

Over these past four days, the command has been very consistent: "be strong and courageous." In each instance, we see great adversity (leading all of Israel, a monumental building project, bringing great moral reform to one's land, and now, a murderous horde marching towards the city), but we also see God delivering His people from them all. An important note is that there is always a close tie between divine deliverance and the leader seeking after God and living obediently (today is 2 Chron. 31:20-21).

Today's passage really emphasizes (in stark contrast to yesterday) the fact that while we labor, it is God who delivers us. Hezekiah's talk shows his faith, trust, and reliance is fully upon God, not on strategic maneuvers or the defensive preparations they had taken. "With him is an arm of flesh, but with us is the Lord our God to help us and fight our battles." (Emphasis mine)

Another thing I find interesting is that though they relied on God, they still made defensive preparations (v 2-6) and that they were fairly extensive ones! Despite their ability and their refusal to be slack, lazy, or idle, Hezekiah trusted in God, and God delivers them all.

Finally, what I find to be most intriguing is that it only says Hezekiah trusted in God initially. The people heard the words of Hezekiah and were encouraged. His faith and prayers kindled the faith of the people. This reminds me of studying the Armor of God in Ephesians 6, where it refers to the "shield of faith." The Roman Legions would use their shields to defend their neighbor as much as themselves, prompting me to think that if we fail to apply our faith, others could suffer as a result. We see this clearly in the scripture above. The influence of one is tremendous!

Courage - Day 3 (2 Chronicles 15:7)

2 Chronicles 15:7
"Be strong, therefore, and let not your hands be weak and slack, for your work shall be rewarded."

Reminiscent of Joshua 1:5-9 and 1 Chronicles 28:10, God instructs us to "be strong." This continuity and recurring theme seems to be important...

Examining this verse, the "therefore" is a little interesting (some translations won't have it, the above is from the amplified version). If one reads the previous verses of 2 Chronicles, we see in verse 2 that if we seek God, He will be found by us (reminiscent of 1 Chronicles 28:9, from yesterday). The verses that follow talk of how Israel was without God, a teacher, and the law, yet how in their desperation when they sought God, they found Him. (It seems this is something that often happens with us -- we only seek God in desperation, after everything has gone wrong. What would happen if instead of relying on our own strength, we took things to God before they became a problem and allowed Him to guide and direct us through life?) Lastly, the preceding verses talk of the Israelites lack of peace, their afflictions, the disturbances, and the adversity in their lives (interesting connection here, summed up by a bumper sticker: No God, No Peace. Know God, Know Peace).

In light of this all, the "therefore" makes more sense. If we look at all of these challenges that were facing the Israelites, it makes sense that they would have to be strong as a result, and that they could not be lazy or idle.

In the Key Word Bible, the word "be weak" is Ràphà, which is to be idle, lazy, diheartened, or feeble. It can also mean "to lose courage." Unfortunately, the word for "hands" is not listed, but if it is the word Yàd (Ps. 18:19-20), this can mean power, strength, and assistance. So we could potentially rephrase this verse as "Be strong and do not lose courage or be lazy in applying your strength..."

Finally, what really leaps out at me is the explicit statement that God rewards our physical labor. Often it seems easy to forget or ignore that God is totally in control and that He is who decided how we perform in any situation. Experientially we know that the harder we work, the better we (often) will do, but we must also remember that it is, not because of our efforts that we succeed, but because God rewards our labor.

This also reminds me how foolish it is to simply sit around and wait for God to do something for me. (Essentially, "God helps those who help themselves.") I must get up, be diligent, work as though it depends on me, while praying as though it all depends on God, because God rewards our labor.

Courage - Day 2 (1 Chronicles 28:10)

Sorry about not having this up yesterday -- My Bad! The day got busy on me and I apologize to anyone who may have noticed, but most likely just for my guilty conscience.

1 Chronicles 28:10
"Take heed now, for the Lord has chosen you to build a house for the sanctuary. Be strong and do it!"

The first thing that really struck me as noteworthy is that God chooses specific people for different tasks. In this case, Solomon is building a temple for the Lord. He was chosen specifically to perform that task. In my life, this translates to me starting as a missionary at UNC. The point is, God doesn't just randomly select people or change His mind. He doesn't make mistakes. So, if He's calling you to do something, He has been preparing you (or will prepare you) for that task at hand. Moreover, if you resist Him and don't do it, He still has that plan for you.

I listened to a podcast on regrets by Steven Furtik at Elevation Church in Charlotte. He had some really good points when talking about regretting things that might have been (the "what if..." type regrets). One of the things that really stuck with me is that God is more like GPS and less like MapQuest. If you're following a GPS while you drive, it will speak to you and warn you of upcoming turns. If you miss the turn anyway, it recalculates a new route. It doesn't care at all about where you were, and only cares about your destination. If God has something in mind for you, it doesn't matter if you took some wrong turns (He actually knew you were going to do that -- He's God), He will get you to where He has called you to go! (Massive digression that wasn't there when I first wrote this...)

Anyhow, knowing that God calls specific people to specific tasks is reassuring to me because I know that God has brought me here for this reason, and has appointed me to this task. Not only does this mean that He has been preparing me for it (despite my unawareness and sometimes in spite of myself), but also that there is nobody else that is meant to fill this role. In the words of Steven Furtik, "I am Gods #1 draft pick." A surprising, but comforting observation.

The next thought that occurs is the part where it says "take heed now," implying urgency to one's actions and thoughts in aligning to God's will. Not to resist or deny His callings, or even to delay in following them. If God speaks something, get on board! Start working now for this is what God wants to do with you, and the safest place to be is walking in God's will.

Next, we see it says Solomon was "to build," implying definite action. Granted, there was a lot of preparation to be done, but God provided a very definite course of action. I think it is wise to wait until this path is provided (at least the next step) before one begins trying to pursue it -- don't just wander aimlessly. That said, one must also be very honest with themselves that they are waiting because they do not know the next step, rather than because they are proud or afraid.

If we look a few verses earlier in 1 Chron 28:7-9, we see a similarity with yesterday's reading as the scripture emphasizes blessing and success under the conditions that Solomon knows and applies God's word. This is important, because the verses close by saying "Be strong and do it!" This suggests the task ahead will not be easy. If the task were easy or if one who were weak would be able to do it, there would be no need for this command. Moreover, it seems to serve as a warning not to give up, implying this task will require something of us.

Finally, an interesting thought is that Solomon was chosen specifically to build the Temple of the Lord, or "a house for the sanctuary." The "sanctuary" is where the Spirit of the Lord would dwell in the Old Testament. Essentially, God's Spirit on earth. What is interesting is that in the New Testament, after Jesus was crucified as a sacrifice for all of our sins, scripture indicates that the Holy Spirit lives inside of each of us who hold the divinity of Jesus as truth. This means that today, we are the sanctuary -- the place where the Spirit of the Lord lives on earth. And again, God calls each one of us to build a house for the sanctuary. We are to live in a way that glorifies God, respecting our body, for our body is His Spirit's dwelling place on this earth today.

Courage, Day 1 (Joshua 1:5-9)

Joshua 1:5 - 9
"No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.

Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their forefathers to give them.

Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go.

Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful.

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

As I read this verse, it jumps out the number of times God says "you." It is clear that God is speaking to Joshua, equipping him to lead, and telling him (multiple times!) to be strong and courageous. It is humbling how much pressure this might put on him. "...because you will cause these people to inherit the land..." Studying the King James Version (above is the NIV, the original study I did with the Amplified) gives some further light to which "you" (as in plural vs singular, in this case, all of Israel vs just Joshua). It becomes apparent Joshua, as the leader, is responsible for Israel as a whole!

As it is very clear that God promises to go before them and that they are to be "very courageous," one must also recognize that there must be a reason behind this warning. God wouldn't say "be courageous" if there wasn't going to be the temptation to fear and turn back.

Perhaps what jumps out at me the most is in the middle where God directs Joshua to follow "all the law" (pursue uncompromising righteousness), and that he was to continually speak it and meditate on it. Contingent on this is that his way would be made prosperous and with good success (v 8 - 9). Interestingly enough, this theme appears throughout the entire Bible. Reliance upon God's word in conjunction with the sincere pursuit of righteousness leads to a divine favor and blessing (though one must be very conscientious of the orientation of one's heart -- if one pursues righteousness for the sake of blessing, rather than for God's glory, they've been deceived and completely missed the point. We glorify God with blessing as consequence, rather than glorifying God as a means to an end of receiving blessing. A subtle, but very crucial difference).

As one continues through the book of Joshua, we see that Israel is met with success and divinely blessed (though there are some painful lessons to be learned -- e.g. their defeat at Ai -- which looked like failures at the time). When we get to Joshua 8:32, 34-35 we see that Joshua had been faithful in knowing and applying the law. It says he was able to read the Law of Moses in front of all of Israel and then write it down. Cultural studies have shown that at this time period, this would have been done from memory, indicating he would have had to study it extensively, spending long hours repeating it.

So, same quck takeaways:
1. Be Courageous and don't fear! God is with you, always!
2. Other people may depend on you and your courage (as the Israelites depended upon Joshua).
3. Know and apply God's Word (it won't do you any good to hear it if you won't obey it)
4. Obedience to God and humbly living in a way that glorifies Him will lead to life of blessing and prosperity (is not necessarily related solely to finances -- God is so much bigger than the bottom line!)

28 Days of Courage

So, what follows (I hope -- providing I don't get caught up and busy) will be 28 days of reflection off of a Bible study on Courage (and Fear). I actually started it three days ago, but I'll try to keep adding one verse and reflection each day. There will be about 3 days in May where I don't post (due to training with the Marines) and who knows what might come up between now and then.

What I'd recommend, if you stumble on this post by some chance, is that you read the scripture and reflect on it yourself for 5 - 10 minutes (or so). I've found that writing my thoughts down in a journal not only help me to keep track of what God's been speaking to me (and allow me to remember it later), but also help me to more thoroughly analyze, reflect, and apply scripture in my life. After that, read my post and get a different perspective.

I hope someone (you?) enjoy!

Weakness and Failure

I've been feeling pretty much like a failure of recent. I feel as though I've let a lot of people down because I'm trying to meet too many expectations. I feel as though I've not been sufficiently diligent with seeking God and studying scripture. I feel as though I haven't been praying enough.

I feel like a failure.

This morning as I was journaling, I was reminded of 2 Corinthians 12:9 - "But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."

Perhaps right now I am, in fact, failing. As I am in Christ, relying fully upon Him, He can use my failures to bring victories. I may actually have to fail in order to learn how to fully surrender to Him. As I fall short, it provides the opportunity for Him to move powerfully and produce inexplicable results, far greater than if we had been "succeeding" by our own strength.

Perhaps our weakness is part of why prayer is so powerful. From a secular vantage point, there can be nothing less beneficial than wasting time "talking to the air." Simply to partake in the act of prayer, we must sacrifice our own time and independence in the belief that it will be redeemed by God in a more powerful manner, specifically because of our prayers. Coming before the Lord in prayer also demonstrates a level of submission. When we pray, we confess that we aren't able to do things entirely in our own power. We admit our total and complete weakness, relying on God, and that allows Him to move powerfully.

More on Perspective

No moral lesson today, just a story and shout-out to my friend and his recent promotion.

When I attached to Supply Co. (-), Raleigh, I was put under charge of a Lance Corporal who shared a common MOS (Military Occupational Specialty... or "job" in the civilian world) of 0311, infantry rifleman. We bonded pretty quickly, having similar experiences in the Corps and because to find another infantry Marine in a supply company is pretty unusual (we just don't belong there). However, quite literally the first thing Supply Co did was to promote me to Corporal. Despite the fact that I knew nothing of supply and had just arrived, I already was in charge of this Marine assigned to be my mentor. It was clear that this irritated him.

Over the year we spent working and training together, we had ups and downs, but were always pretty solid friends. We helped each other in different areas and in different ways. When his girlfriend deployed to Iraq, I was there with a sympathetic ear and what turned out to be good advice. When my jeep blew out a water pump, he drove 2 hours to pick me up and drive me back to Camp LeJeune. We're friends.

In the fall of this past year, my friend pulled every string he had (and several he really didn't) and got himself on active duty orders with a California unit. He was still a Lance Corporal, despite the fact he would be a Corporal had he been on the active duty side of things. Upon reaching Cali, he was pretty much immediately promoted and began training with a Motor Transport unit (he had gone back to MOS school to obtain the proper licenses this past summer). Prior to this morning's phone conversation, the latest update had been that he was working as the Motor Transport Chief for his section... a job designed to be held by a Staff Sergeant, or a Sergeant at the very least. Nevertheless, my friend distinguished himself. He kicked-ass on PT, maintained his responsibilities admirably, and lit the world on fire with motivation. He is a Marine's Marine.

Today he called me to let me know he had been promoted to Sergeant, meritoriously. He now outranks me, and I am eating crow and humble pie. I am genuinely happy for him though, as he truly is an outstanding Marine. Still, there seems to be a certain ironic symmetry to this story.

Anyhow, there is nothing to lament. I just hope to get promoted sometime soon. Until then, here's to you, Sgt C. The Corps' newest Sergeant of Marines!

Kill.

Perspective

Not sure exactly where this post is going, but its been an interesting week, so we'll see.

One of the things I've been thinking about a lot is the perspective I have about different people. Some people look like they're in total control of their life. Others look like the wheels are just about to fall off. Its not that I wonder about the difference, only that I think the outward appearance probably isn't true most of the time.

What prompts this thought is how the first part of my week progressed. I got back from training with my Marines over the weekend, and new mountains of responsibility had been heaped on me -- none of which I really wanted (life is busy enough without more work for the same pay). I was angry about the fact that one of my Marines showed a distinct lack of effort and motivation which ultimately resulted in me doing a lot more work on an 8 mile march than I had wanted. I was bitter about seeing another Marine get promoted ahead of me when he had held none of the same responsibilites that I had. I was frustrated with being slid into a position which had been mismanaged for several months, and then being left to pick up the pieces. Monday was an uncharacteristically bad day.

The more I thought on it, the more this "wheels falling off" type mentality had been present in my life. I pretty routinely feel as though my efforts are insufficient in virtually every area of my life, ranging everywhere from the Marines, to research, to relationships -- I generally feel as though I'm failing. At best, "just getting by." Even when I do things that I know honor God -- pray for people, study scripture, fast -- I always wonder why I didn't do more. I feel guilty, even about doing things that I know are pleasing to God, because I never feel like I've done enough. (Fortunately, some resolution is coming here and it feels as though the clouds are beginning to part...)

Now here's the kicker: despite these feelings of inadequacy and failure, apparently I don't show that. Several times people complimented on how disciplined and encouraging I am (please don't take this as boasting... that is not the intent), despite that my life currently feels like a massive train wreck and that I'm an epic failure on all fronts.

The point I'd make is that there are people that I respect and admire, who in my eyes seem to have everything together, but I suspect sometimes feel just as swamped, frustrated, and inadequate as I do. The only difference between how I see them and how they see themselves is our perspective.

Nervous twitch

Its official. I've developed a nervous twitch. My left cheek twitches, and I'm not entirely sure why. I've been trying to postulate a list of reasons:

1. Working long hours for little pay in a reasonably unsafe environment at the graduate school. For example, I work 50 - 60 hours per week and my salary is right around the poverty line. My professor owns all of my intellectual property (which means, even my thoughts aren't mine). However, I think I'm getting the better end of the bargain here, since as a rule, I just kind of screw things up and do "stupid chemistry." When I'm not actively destroying weeks and months of labor, it generally means I'm eating lunch. This is done about 10 feet from a bucket of chlorinated waste and 15 feet from a bucket of dry waste, which has a propensity to spontaneously ignite, as it did about 2 months ago.

2. Sam, the post-doc I work with, who is slightly unconventional. For example, when the aforementioned dry waste canister lit on fire and shot flames out of the top, rather than utilize the fire extinguisher, the bucket of sand to the immediate right of the fire, or the leather glove (to cover the opening and smother the flames), he chose instead to put a cardboard box over the inferno. Now really, WHAT PART OF THAT MAKES SENSE?! What is more alarming is that it worked...

3. The Marines. More specifically, being held responsible for other peoples irresponsible tendencies and communication failures. Improvising, adapting, and overcoming challenges to benefit the institution as a whole, when in almost every circumstance, the institution is what is causing the challenge which I am called upon to improvise, adapt, and overcome. For example, knowing that I am supposed to give a class on something tonight, but also knowing that I haven't been officially informed of this as of yet. Moreover, how I cannot prepare in advance because 1. We are no longer allowed to utilize flash-drives in government computers, as we can e-mail all documents to one another, and 2. I don't have a government e-mail account, meaning I cannot access anything I might care to e-mail to myself because 3. we aren't allowed to access civilian e-mail accounts from government computers. Yet, if I fail to get said task accomplished, I am severely reprimanded. But really... why should I feel bitter?

Really... I'm beginning to feel as though I'm consistently up against the impossible. Its as though so much is intentionally set against a person, it is ludicrous to even dream of success. All I get is a general angst in my stomach, which is either due to too much coffee (a function of not getting enough sleep) or the development of ulcers (which may be related to the stress and excessive coffee).

Perhaps the nervous twitch is the least of my problems.

Carry well

I was reading in Ephesians this morning and several verses caused me some reflection:

"So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do... They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God... due to the hardening of their hearts... they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more.

You, however, did not come to know Christ that way... You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness." --Ephesians 4:17 - 24

The verse is actually pretty straightforward, but it reminded me of a sermon on the Ten Commandments, given by Pastor Curtis from newHope. Now, we're all familiar with many of the Commandments, "Thou shalt not steal, thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not commit adultery..." but the one Curtis really lingered on was Exodus 20:7

"Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain; for the LORD will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain."

He expanded on the translation from ancient Hebrew and explained how this was more than "Not saying G** D***." When the Israelites were chosen by God to be His people, they carried His presence with them and He dwelt in the tabernacle they built. His essence was with them, or in other words, His name was upon them.

A finer study of Ex 20:7 reveals a more direct translation to be "Carry well the name of the Lord." Our lives, our actions, our very existence is intended to honor Him, and living in a way that glorifies Him is included in some of the earliest of recorded history.

And this ties in to Ephesians 4. We are told not to live like the Gentiles or hethans, who have given themselves over to impurity and idolatry, but to live in the new-self one becomes by having faith in Jesus. Changing actions and habits in an effort to grow in holiness and righteousness, seeking to become ever more like Him.

Frog Soup

Frogs are interesting creatures. I heard once that if you drop a frog into a pan of hot water, it will react quick enough to jump out without even getting scalded. That said, if you drop a frog in a pan of cold water, but heat it up slowly, the frog won't react. It will calmly sit in the pan of water until it is cooked to death.

I was reading Galatians this morning and I realized that we are very similar.

"The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity, and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions, and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law." -- Galatians 5:19 - 23

I read the list of acts of the sinful nature and I realize just how pervasive this nature is. Sexual immorality is rampant, let alone impurity (which is considerably more than "anything but sex"). Idols are rampant -- whether it is our work, our high-tech gadgets, our favorite college basketball team -- and who hasn't experienced some form of dissension, faction, or discord when working with other people? Fits of rage... well, just take a drive down I-40 on Friday afternoon and you'll see plenty. Selfish ambition? Drunkenness? I feel we've all witnessed enough of those that I don't have to discuss in detail.

What scares me is that we see this in people who call themselves Christians. I know I had succumbed to most of the above before God reclaimed my life (so please don't feel as though I am judging, merely praising God for His grace and mercy in my life). We're failing and we don't even know it. We have become desensitized to sin, and like the frog in pot of hot water, we are too unaware to respond appropriately and jump out before we become frog soup.

Confessions of a Worship Leader

I'm going through a bit of a difficult season right now. I've been helping to lead worship as a vocalist for a little better than one year, and its taken me to a strange place.

When I was younger in Christ, musical worship was something I really looked forward to. It was refreshing and desperately needed. In hindsight, part of this was because the place where I would find God was at church -- I didn't make time to seek Him on my own, and I certainly wasn't listening for Him or looking for Him to move in my life. He was a very clean and boxed God, and our interactions were limited largely to Sunday mornings.

I remember taking the membership class at my current church. The pastor asked that each of us would volunteer somewhere. While I remember volunteering with the parking detail, I also remember a more unusual experience. I volunteered for WAM -- the Worship Arts Ministry.

In hindsight, this was a strange thing to do. I sang very little in high school and not at all in college... but I always wanted someone to ask me to sing with the worship team. Somehow, I knew I was to volunteer for this, despite being highly self-conscious and uncertain about my abilities. Now, newHope is a pretty large church by my standards -- somewhere around 750 people attended at that time (and we're in the vicinity of 2000 now!), but it just so happened the WAM team was short on tenors, and I could - apparently - harmonize.

My first several rehearsals and attempts to help lead worship were pretty rough. I was terrified. But following some encouragement from friends, Pastor Curtis (the worship arts pastor), and a month of reflection and rest, I returned to the stage with a heart open and ready to lead others before the throne in worship. But over time, the season of my life began to change.

I started seeking God more actively outside of church. I started making time just for Him, time to pray, time to study, time to listen and be quiet. And now, my heart feels different. It isn't that I no longer want to do corporate worship, simply that the emotion and passion that once was there has shifted to other forms of glorifying Him. Coming to worship corporately, and then really pressing in, I realize is a choice.

As newHope grows, we are encouraged to "engage" the crowd and really try to draw them in. To have high energy, and really exaggerate anything we do on stage. Despite everyone's profession, it feels like a performance or a show, rather than worship.

Add to that the effect of the season of my life, where worship in a corporate sense is an active choice. I choose to worship and offer up songs of praise, despite not feeling as though anything is happening, and being encouraged to "engage."

Its incredibly unsettling. Choosing to believe that my worship is pleasing to God when I feel very little? Moreover, trying to lead people into His presence, when I have to choose to believe I'm there myself? And worse, trying to justify the level of performance going on, when all I want is to hear the still small voice that seems ever more elusive when I'm surrounded in a crowd.

But really, it doesn't matter. Its just a season; it will change again. Moreover, worship is not about us anyway. So I will continue to worship with all that I am, and I choose to believe it honors God and that the sincere desire of my heart will be evident, allowing others to draw closer to Him.

And after all, the two best times to worship are when you feel like it, and when you don't.

Choices

The choices we make determine what kind of life we live. Granted, a lot can influence those choices (our past, our passions, our finances, etc.), but in the end, we still make a choice.

While we often make decisions based on ignorance or apathy, other times we know exactly what we are supposed to choose. The trick there, is whether we choose well or not. Though I could probably write for a while on this, I'm not particularly interested in talking about morality today.

What is jumping out to me is that so often we have the opportunity to make decisions, but we are completely unaware. For example, love. We choose to love. We don't necessarily feel love for someone, but we are told to walk in love.

What about forgiveness? We are told to forgive, and as such, we will be forgiven. Forgiving someone, like loving them, is a conscious action rather than a feeling. The feelings follow the decision.

Love and forgiveness are things I've heard taught regularly at church. Scripturally it is pretty clear, and I believe many people are accepting in these choices. Its never bad to forgive someone (though difficult) and people only look favorably upon people who love others.

What about peace? What about freedom? What about truth and life? These are also things that we read about in scripture, but somehow it seems people miss that, or don't feel similarly. Why do we sit around waiting to "feel at peace," "feel freed from our past," "feel alive..." Why don't we choose these things? Why don't we choose to be at peace, trusting that God will deliver us and provide for us, just like He said He would? Do we really believe a God that created the universe isn't able to provide for us in the middle of a failing economy? (He's bigger than the economy.)

Why don't we choose to be free, and walk in freedom? God says that through His son Jesus, we have obtained completion and righteousness in Him. He has separated us from our sins, as far as the east is from the west. Why do we wait to "feel free" before we really start walking without the guilt and shame of who we were?

Why don't we choose life? We wait and seek and pray about where we are... why don't we listen to the passions of our heart? Why don't we pursue the things that really make us come alive? Why do we drown ourselves in duty and obligation, rather than chasing after what we desperately long for? Why don't we choose to really live, and what would happen if we did?

The simple point I try to make is this: in the end, everything about who we are, what we believe, and how we live is determined by the choices we make. When scripture says we have been given something, we have to choose to believe it, and once we make that choice, we have to choose to apply it in our life.

"This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live." (Deut 30:19)

Choose well.

Signs & Wonders

Miracles are a tricky thing. The problem is that, in order for something to really be a miracle, the circumstances must get so desperate and impossible that divine intervention is the only explanation for how catastrophe was averted.

For example, think about Gideon and his army. They start out outnumbered by 3:1, but this is too many. When victorious, the Israelites would have believed they delivered themselves out of the control of the Midianites. So God leans his army down to the point where they're at a 10:1 disadvantage. Still too many. It ends up with Gideon and 300 soliders facing tens of thousands of enemy warriors. Odds are pretty poor at this point, but God takes it one step further. They get torches and clay pots as weapons. The kicker is that they win -- decisively.

So, this is all well and good. We see that the Lord fights on behalf of His people, and Gideon and all of the Israelites are delivered from their enemies. But here's the catch: what do you think was going through the mind of Gideon as his army dwindled from over 10,000 down to 300? When they were told not to take their weapons? When, despite all common sense, they still went to fight?

What is it like to not simply WITNESS a miracle, but to LIVE a miracle. How much fear and stress do you think these 300 were feeling? How much faith must that have taken to trust in God and march against their enemy? Do we have as much faith?

So here's a challenge that was given to me, almost 1 month ago, and I now pass on to you as well: Let God use you in a miracle. When the circumstances get difficult, rather than blaming God or folding under pressure and running away, take a stand and believe. Have the faith to endure the pressure of the impossible, that God might manifest His glory.

Welcome back.

Its been a while, hasn't it...

I think I'm going to take this blog in a slightly different direction. In hindsight, I usually get numerous little thoughts, and an occasional "big one." While I had been trying -- striving, even -- to post the big ones, they were too infrequent and usually, I'm a bit too busy to really post them all anyway. So, a new direction: post the little thoughts. Here goes...

I was reading in the book of John tonight and I came across this passage. Jesus is speaking. John 17:13 - "And now I am coming to You; I say these things while I am still in the world, so that My joy may be made full and complete and perfect in them." (Emphasis added)

The Amplified Bible expands on this: "...My joy may be made full and complete and perfect in them [that they may experience My delight fulfilled in them, that My enjoyment may be perfected in their own souls, that they may have My gladness within them, filling their hearts]."

Before we start running with this, we need to understand that by "them" Jesus means His disciples, and everyone else who comes to follow Jesus because of them (verse 20, "Neither for these alone do I pray, but also for all those who will ever come to believe in Me..."). So, now re-read verse 17. Jesus: "My joy may be made full and complete and perfect in them [all those who will ever come to believe in Me]."

Woah. His joy is made full and complete and perfect IN US!!! You and Me. Think on that for a second. We complete God's joy. He delights in you. He is extremely proud of you, and without you, God's joy would be incomplete.

So, without any sarcasm or cynicism intended: God delights in you, and that makes you extremely special.

Now live that way.

Righteousness

Proverbs 15:29 - "The Lord is far from the wicked, but He hears the prayers of the righteous."

James 5:16 - "...The earnest (heartfelt, continued) prayer of a righteous man makes tremendous power available."

What does it mean to be righteous? Implicit in the above is that our prayers are more powerful as we are more righteous. Selfish ambition motivates one to try to be righteous so their prayers are answered, but being selfish, their prayers will be selfish and their heart self-centered. So despite ones best actions and behavior, they are still not righteous, having been betrayed by their heart.

This suggests righteousness is an attitude of the heart. Sincere love of God, pursuit of Jesus, and acceptance of the movings and workings of the Spirit transforms a person and causes them to be focused outward while their actions are fully righteous and completely unintentional.

In this state, we are selfless and while our prayers will be full of power, they will be focused upon others.

Choosing to Love

Excerpt from "The Sacred Romance: Drawing Closer to the Heart of God"
Written by Brent Curtis & John Eldredge

God could have given up on the love affair with mankind. He could have resorted to power and demanded our loyalty, or given us a kind of spiritual lobotomy that would take away our choice to love him. Even now, he could easily obliterate our enemy and demand the allegiance of our hearts, but the love affair that began in the laughter of the Trinity would be over, at least for us. And Satan's accusation that the kingdom of God is established only through raw power would be vindicated.
Once we understand God's desire to possess our heart through love rather than power, we can fathom even more deeply the depths of God's anguish as he pleads with Israel through the prophets to give up their spiritual adultery and return to his love...
All of us have had poignant ecstasies of heart over a love affair that subsequently turned to immobilizing pain and shock as we realized that our lover could actually know us and yet leave us for another. But have you ever dated someone and you just knew, from the first time you met her, that she was the one you wanted to spend your life with? As you laughed and talked and marveled together, you felt your love deepen to a heart bond that you knew you never wanted to free yourself from. And have you ever been shocked to find one day that the one you loved so deeply and who you thought loved you just as passionately, had been dating other guys and, moreover, was spending more and more of her time with your worst enemy?
Have you ever had to literally turn a lover over to a mortal enemy to allow her to find out for herself what his intentions toward her really were? Have you ever had to lie in bed knowing she was believing his lies and was having sex with him every night? Have you ever sat helplessly by in a parking lot, while your enemy and his friends took turns raping your lover even as you sat nearby, unable to win her heart enough so she would trust you to rescue her? Have you ever called this one you had loved for so long, even the day after her rape, and asked her if she was ready to come back to you only to have her say her heart was still captured by your enemy? Have you ever watched your lover's beauty slowly diminish and fade in a haze of alcohol, drugs, occult practices, and infant sacrifice until she is no longer recognizable in body or soul?
Have you ever loved one so much that you even send your only son to talk with her about your love for her, knowing that he will be killed by her? (And in spite of knowing all of this, he was willing to do it because he loved her, too, and believed you were meant for each other.)

All this and more God has endured because of his refusal to stop loving us.