Deeper Exhaustion

I think this may be the most exhausting turn my life has taken.

For the past three months I've been serving with Chi Alpha Christian Fellowship as a campus missionary at the University of North Carolina. Prior to this, I was a chemistry graduate student for two years, and woven through it all is a six-year commitment to the Marine Corps. But this present season may prove to be the most exhausting thus far.

Though physically exhausting to an extent, it doesn't really compare to the Marines in that respect. Thankfully, I am no longer expected do 20+ mile forced-marches or go upwards of 3 days without significant food or sleep.

Though mentally exhausting, I don't have the same sensation of when I was in graduate school -- having just studied for days to take a five-hour long final, desiring nothing more than to curl into the fetal position and let my brains drip out through my ear.

I think it is the sudden onslaught of emotion which can only be caused from getting to know many people and realizing just how painfully broken this world is. How much pain and hurt exists. How selfish I/we all truly can be. Experiencing the collateral damage of people who claim the title of "Christian" without actually working to surrender all to Christ. Emotionally investing in those who may ultimately turn and betray; baring one's heart to be stabbed. Worse -- aware that there were those who came before that did the same for me.

"I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds." -- John 12:24