The Great American Tragedy

There aren't many things that I genuinely hate. Really. That said, I am convinced I do genuinely hate two things: USC football and the entire state of Ohio. You can imagine my conflict when I found out Ohio State University was playing USC in football several weeks ago. This was unprecedented... usually neither team would play anybody of substance until late in the season -- if at all -- allowing them both to climb the polls and battle for one of the top spots in the BCS. Otherwise, they would avoid playing each other and taking the risk of losing. Without direct competition, each team can always claim superiority and that they were victims of politics or unfair ratings.

For me, I had a hard time figuring out who I hated more. USC, who always seems to be ranked #1 and routinely redefines the word "arrogant," or OSU, who beats up on other teams in the Big Ten, but fails to make adjustments anywhere else and thus gets embarrassed when they play mediocre teams from other conferences. The same team who gained back-to-back championship bowl game losses (blow-outs, really) in 2006 and 2007... I think they managed to loose the championship in basketball in 2007 as well. Yes. Hate, despite being a strong word, is the correct one to use here.

I think the point I was trying to get at is that I wanted both teams to lose. Knowing this to be impossible, yet unwilling to find the lesser of two evils, I was somewhat miserable. In the end, I'm pretty sure OSU was blown out (again!) and Big Ten football lost what little respect it may have previously had from other conferences.

But where am I going with this? Oh yeah... here's my second greatest segué ever:

POLITICS: origin, Latin. poly - meaning many; tics - meaning blood-sucking arachnids.

If there is an argument for anything I hate worse than OSU/USC football, its probably politics. I am tired of the negative campaigns, tired of receiving mass-mailings from the democratic party (I'm sure I'd get them from the republicans too, except all of my roommates are democrats...), automated telephone calls, and people who think that anyone with a different opinion from them can be shouted into agreement.

I'm tired of voting based on a "lesser of two evils" philosophy. I started out this presidential campaign feeling like regardless of which candidate won, things were going to get better. After all the mud-slinging and slander, I'm feeling firmly convinced of the opposite. Rather than drawing together behind a candidate, I feel as though we have polarized America and everyone is on edge. Really, I want them both to lose.

Mr Obama, how is it that you feel qualified to run for president of a country with only 1 year of political experience? As our former President Clinton pointed out, we could substitute a popular television star in your place and they would have only marginally less political experience than you. (That said, Hillary scares the hell out of me... Definitely not a fan.) I mean, really... you pretty much started a run for the presidency as soon as you hit the Senate. And why can you not admit the Surge actually worked in Iraq? Can you not admit that despite absolutely botching things after deposing Sadaam, the military has made significant headway and vast improvements to life for the Iraqi populace?

Mr McCain, what on earth made you think selecting a completely unexperienced running mate with minimal common sense and an outrageous Minnesota accent was a good idea? Someday, you're going to die. God forbid it will be in the next 4 years, but how do you think Palin will run the country? And why do you have to be so incredibly mentally scattered and awkward on television? And what the hell is up with this Joe the Plumber crap? And why do you want to bomb Iran?!?

To the American people, why is it that we are so ignorant? If you're paying attention at all, you should see this rift forming in our country, and it should be breaking your heart. We've lost all common sense and become so polarized that it borders on the imbicilic. As a generalization, we seem to be forming a country composed of workaholics and parasites. Either one works themself to death in a pursuit of their career, or one refuses to work to improve themself, then expects better benefits, better pay, fewer hours, and the government to support them in their shortcomings. I place blame firmly on us all for the state of our economy... which is something that can't be fixed by any bailout or government stimulus package. And should your candidate not win, will you remember that whomever is elected is your new president? I believe Thomas Jefferson, after losing his first campaign for president, was instrumental in keeping this country together. When his supporters said they would never follow the elected president, Mr Jefferson corrected them and reminded them that is NOT how democracy works. Can we be as mature in this day and age?

To the government, when are you going to stop wasting our time and money? When are you going to consult scientists, educators, and informed people before imposing ignorant, expensive, and frequently, impossible legislation? When will you break this country's additiction to war and oil? When will you get out of the pocket of big corporations? Why can you not consider the good of the people more important than the good of yourself? What makes you worthy of another raise? From what I can see, you're in session far less often than I'm in lab, and yet I'm right around the national poverty line. Are you doing anything other than trying to ruin our lives and wreck this country? Quit being distracted by special interests. We don't need more feel good projects, we need jobs and education.

To Kay Hagin and Elizabeth Dole: My God, you're both incompetent -- though legally retarded is maybe more accurate, and less politically correct. (I wrote myself in for Senate, simply because I cannot bring myself to vote for either of you.)

The way I see it, we're doomed to make history. Either we elect the first black president, or the first woman vice-president. Neither ticket is sound, and clearly, it requires a different set of attributes to become president than it requires to be a good one. In the words of one of my fellow graduate students, "Truly, this is the Great American Tragedy."