Deeper Exhaustion

I think this may be the most exhausting turn my life has taken.

For the past three months I've been serving with Chi Alpha Christian Fellowship as a campus missionary at the University of North Carolina. Prior to this, I was a chemistry graduate student for two years, and woven through it all is a six-year commitment to the Marine Corps. But this present season may prove to be the most exhausting thus far.

Though physically exhausting to an extent, it doesn't really compare to the Marines in that respect. Thankfully, I am no longer expected do 20+ mile forced-marches or go upwards of 3 days without significant food or sleep.

Though mentally exhausting, I don't have the same sensation of when I was in graduate school -- having just studied for days to take a five-hour long final, desiring nothing more than to curl into the fetal position and let my brains drip out through my ear.

I think it is the sudden onslaught of emotion which can only be caused from getting to know many people and realizing just how painfully broken this world is. How much pain and hurt exists. How selfish I/we all truly can be. Experiencing the collateral damage of people who claim the title of "Christian" without actually working to surrender all to Christ. Emotionally investing in those who may ultimately turn and betray; baring one's heart to be stabbed. Worse -- aware that there were those who came before that did the same for me.

"I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds." -- John 12:24

Overcoming Fear -- Day 9 (Deuteronomy 20:8)

Then the officers shall add, "Is any man afraid or fainthearted? Let him go home so that his brothers will not become disheartened too." -- Deut. 20:8

This entire chapter is an instruction manual for "when you go forth to battle gainst your enemies." (v.1) It is important to see that it says "when" and not "if." It is clear that we will all have battles to fight, but that the Lord goes with us into them all. Verses 3 and 4 reaffirm that we are not to fear (as does all of the previously discussed passages in Days 1 - 8), for the Lord our God goes with us to save us.

Verses 5 - 8 give reasons men should turn back. This is not wise from a military standpoint (possibly with verse 8 being an exception), but it weaves in with the confident knowledge that the Lord is fighting for us, so while He honors our labor (2 Chron 15:7), He is still the one who creates the final outcome. We see God refines Gideon's army in a similar fashion. This severe mismatch of forces also ensures that the credit and glory go to God. Whe circumstances are so thoroughly out of control, we cannot think to boast in what is so clearly divine deliverance.

Perhaps the most important thing to see in verse 8 is that fear is contageous. Similar to one's faith being used to protect one another (e.g. the shield of faith in Ephesians 6, also see examples in Haggai 2:4-5, 2 Chron 32: 7-8, and Joshua 1:5 - 9), we see fear in one person can cause fear in another. Conversely though, if one's fearfulness can create fearfulness, courage should create courage, hope create hope, and faith create faith.

In the words of Don Miller, "Sometimes one has to see someone love something in order to know how to love it."

That may be the point, exactly.

Courage - Day 8 (Matthew 14:22-27)

"Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone, but the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it.

During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. 'It's a ghost,' they said, and cried out in fear.

But Jesus immediately said to them: 'Take courage! I am. Don't be afraid.'" -- Matthew 14:22-27

This passage wraps up the week nicely, with the final verse really driving at some key points. The first thing that really seems to jump out is the symbolism in the story at large. When Jesus comes to His disciples, they are struggling against things totally out of their control -- in this case, it is nature. Jesus came out to them where they were and in the midst of what they were doing. He didn't command them to come to Him once they had things under control, He came to them where they were -- in the middle of a storm.

Despite having spent time with Jesus, they didn't see Him for who He truly was. Both in general, as the Son of God, and specifically in this story, as they thought He was a ghost and they were afraid. They couldn't see Him for who He was, for though He was there to save them, what He was doing was also very unexpected.

The next thing that I appreciate is that Jesus spoke to them "immediately." He didn't wait to keep them frantic, but He spoke to them immediately.

While we have hammered away at "take courage," we must stop to ask ourselves, "what is courage?" The best definition I've heard is that courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the strength and ability to do something in spite of that fear.

"I am" is a powerful reminder that Jesus is God in the flesh. Emmanual. God with us. He is eternal and almighty and He is with us today and always. As mentioned yesterday, the general of angel armies stands readty to war on our behalf.

Finally, "Don't be afraid" merits some discussion. It is not a polite suggestion, but rather a command. We know worry is a sin and that God has not given us a spirit of fear (see 2 Tim 1:7). The fact that it is given by Jesus as a command shows us that (1) it is possible, and (2) it is our choice.

If we accept that God is indeed with us and for us, really, what is there to be afraid of?

Courage - Day 7 (Haggai 2:4-5)

"But now be strong, O Zerubbabel,' declares the LORD. 'Be strong, O Joshua son of Jehozadak, the high priest. Be strong, all you people of the land,' declares the LORD, 'and work. For I am with you,' declares the LORD Almighty. This is what I covenanted with you when you came out of Egypt. And my Spirit remains among you. Do not fear." -- Haggai 2:4-5

The word used for "be strong" is "Châzaq," again, as discussed in Day 6. Essentially, be strong, take courage, and hold fast. This is very consistent with what has been studied this entire week and we see that God clearly expects us to actually do this! We must be persistent and steadfast to do the things to which God has called us.

He then goes on to command the Israelites to work, consistent with 2 Chron 15:7, where it says our labors are rewarded. So far, nothing terribly new.

"For I am with you, says the Lord of Hosts." (Amplified)

This verse is what I see as being important. I am, signifying the infinite nature and absolute sovreignty of God. Beginning and end, alpha & omega. He is the creator of the universe. I am...with you! Let this sink in.

The weighty and awesome power of our almighty God is with us! He goes on to raise the stakes when He is referred to as the "Lord of Hosts." What one must understand is that this particular phrase is lost on us today. The "host," or Tsâvâ' is a mass of persons or things intended for a military or warfighting purpose. It is applied here in a way that alludes to the angels and celestial bodies of the heavans, formed and equipped to do battle at God's command. It also implies that God (the one who is with us, remember?), is the mightiest of all of the heavanly warriors, to be in command of the host. So essentially, what this verse really is saying: "I, creator of all things, almighty & powerful God, infinite in strength, greatest of warriors, vanquisher of every foe and commanding general of all the angelic armies of heaven, am here to fight for you."

Courage - Day 6 (Psalm 27:14)

"Wait and hope for and expect the Lord; be brave and of good courage and let your heart be stout and enduring. Yes, wait for and hope for and expect the Lord."

Right from the start, this verse says to "wait." We function as instruments of God's will, and by His power do all things happen. This means often they do not happen on our timeline and schedules. Patience is difficult, but necessary. The word used for "wait" is "Qâwâh," which means confident, patient, expectant, hopeful waiting.

Expectant, hopeful waiting is difficult -- it grows patience and is not comfortable. However, the scripture (particularly the Psalms, e.g. 27:1-3; 34; 54; 91; etc.) is full of examples and testimonies of God's faithfulness and how He delivers us. So, as we grow to trust in Him, we should learn to expectantly wait for Him as well. It seems like this would be part of "walking by faith," which was intended by Paul to be so much more than a cliché lyric from a popular worship song. God is real. His word is true. We must believe it and apply it in our lives.

A very constant and reoccuring theme is to be brave and of good courage. The Hebrew word "Châzaq" means to hold fast; conquer, seize, and retain; bind securely; strengthen; take courage. We can do this because we know that God is with us and that He delivers us. So we are to strengthen our hearts and expectantly wait for God. We hold fast to the truth that He will move in our circumstances.

An interesting extension from this verse comes throug examining different translations. In the Amplified it says "let your heart be stout..." which implies several things. First, to "let" something happen suggests we need to give permission. Second, it shows we have some level of control over our heart and its attitude. In comparison, the King James Version provides a little more insight with "He shall strengthen thine heart..." This is a subtle but crucial difference, as it means God is the one strengthening our heart. We must allow God to move in our hearts to strengthen them, and this scripture reveals this is done through patient and expectant waiting upon Him.

Courage - Day 5 (Ezra 10:4)

Ezra 10:4 -- "Arize, for it is your duty and we are with you. Be strong and brave and do it!"

The themes that are revealed in this scripture are very similar to those discussed previously. However, rather than an implication (as in 1 Chron. 28:10), the above verse explicitly states that it is Ezra's duty to perform the appointed task (in this case, removal of the heathen women from Israel). This is more similar to what we saw in Joshua 1:5-9, where God explicitly chooses Joshua to succeed Moses and lead the Israelites.

An interesting point is that it isn't God speaking directly in the scripture above. It is Shecaniah, son of Jehiel addressing Ezra, who was prostrate in mourning and repentence. It reminds me that often God speaks through other people, and we do well to take the advice of our peers and superiors into consideration. Here it was a sort of comissioning. Much like the scene in Lord of the Rings where Boromir tells Aragorn that he would have followed him to the end (of course, then he dies, so its not really THAT similar...), Aragorn needed to hear that to assume the role that he had been intended to fulfill. In a similar way, Ezra was given authority to lead by his peers, and we see that this was in line with God's will, as the end result was the (nearly) complete rejection of heathen wives and the obedience to God's command.

The final key point is the phrase "be strong and brave." This would be the word "Châzaq," which means to be bound fast; strengthened; to be strong and courageous; to conquer, sieze, retain, and hold fast. (This would be an antonym to the word "passive," for all of you Christain men who feel humility and passivity go hand in hand. -- You're wrong, by the way... Conquering, siezing, retaining, and holding fast have nothing passive about them! Sorry -- I digress...) It is a word used often in the description of battle scenes, and in the previous verses discused, the only other place it is directly stated is in Joshua 1:5. Again we see the command to "be strong and brave" is given at the beginning of a great challenge where the victory would only come following some form of battle.

Courage - Day 4 (2 Chronicles 32:7-8)

2 Chronicles 32:7-8
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or discouraged because of the king of Assyria and the vast army with him, for there is a greater power with us than with him. With him is only the arm of flesh, but with us is the LORD our God to help us and to fight our battles." And the people gained confidence from what Hezekiah the king of Judah said."

The historical context of this verse reveals the extreme to which God really expects us to be strong and courageous. There is an Assyrian horde marching on Jerusalem. In verse 5, it says "Hezekiah took courage," and then in 7-8 he "spoke encouraginly" to Israel, telling them to "be strong and courageous."

Over these past four days, the command has been very consistent: "be strong and courageous." In each instance, we see great adversity (leading all of Israel, a monumental building project, bringing great moral reform to one's land, and now, a murderous horde marching towards the city), but we also see God delivering His people from them all. An important note is that there is always a close tie between divine deliverance and the leader seeking after God and living obediently (today is 2 Chron. 31:20-21).

Today's passage really emphasizes (in stark contrast to yesterday) the fact that while we labor, it is God who delivers us. Hezekiah's talk shows his faith, trust, and reliance is fully upon God, not on strategic maneuvers or the defensive preparations they had taken. "With him is an arm of flesh, but with us is the Lord our God to help us and fight our battles." (Emphasis mine)

Another thing I find interesting is that though they relied on God, they still made defensive preparations (v 2-6) and that they were fairly extensive ones! Despite their ability and their refusal to be slack, lazy, or idle, Hezekiah trusted in God, and God delivers them all.

Finally, what I find to be most intriguing is that it only says Hezekiah trusted in God initially. The people heard the words of Hezekiah and were encouraged. His faith and prayers kindled the faith of the people. This reminds me of studying the Armor of God in Ephesians 6, where it refers to the "shield of faith." The Roman Legions would use their shields to defend their neighbor as much as themselves, prompting me to think that if we fail to apply our faith, others could suffer as a result. We see this clearly in the scripture above. The influence of one is tremendous!